Lucky Number 2013
I really have very little sense of what I’ll be doing over the next 12 months. I’ve made concerted efforts to leave things “open,” but now I’m dealing with cold feet.
Creighton and I spent the first few days of 2013 in Charleston, South Carolina where we celebrated my indomitable mother-in-law Kathy’s 70th birthday. We arrived at the beach to cold beers and a pod of dolphins just off the shore. At the beginning of a new year, it’s impossible not to look forward. I suppose it’s human nature (or at least my nature) to want to know exactly what the future will hold. But what if I don’t know?
One way to settle into this lack of definition, the way that comes quite naturally to me, is to process the unknown as something to fear. My brain’s default programming seems to be “not knowing = scary.” I’ve been down this road before, and it includes anxiety, stress, self-doubt and a general inability to fling myself headfirst into the future. Not being self-flingable is bad for a multitude of reasons, and the biggest baddy I can think of at this moment: loss of creativity.
But there is another way to handle not being able to outline what my day-to-day for the next 365 days will be, and that is to process the unknown as cause for EXCITEMENT. That’s right, Self, please remember that not knowing could actually be a good thing. The part of my brain responsible for higher reasoning (that part that moans whenever I ask it to do work) asserts to me that I am a person who bores easily, a person who feels most alive when finding solutions and executing quickly. Ergo, even if I achieved the impossible and set forth a perfect road map for 2013, I’d get pretty damn bored pretty damn fast. Not knowing what lies ahead is scary, but it’s also what makes life beautiful. What’s around the next corner? Well it could be nothing, but it could be the most important project or the most fun I’ve ever had!
My favorite parts of the past year are things I didn’t even know would have existed in January of 2012. I’m going to trust that and and believe that lucky number 2013 holds more amazement. I don’t know the whats, whens and hows, but I know a lot of the whos, and I know the desired outcome: a year of creativity and love. For that I am thankful.